♥On My Own♥

"I'm leaving you, I'm not sure if I that's what should I do. It hurts so bad. I'm wanting you but I can't go back. "

I'm trying to find something...
Something....

"It's so hard to say, but I've gotta do what's best for me. You'll be ok. I've got to move on and be who I am. I just don't belong here, I hope you understand. We might find our place in this world someday, but at least for now, I gotta go my own way"

I don't know why, but I felt very bad this week. I was not able to stay clam in each moment. Every now and then, there would be a fight. Haiz! It was very hard for me to stay in that kind of situation. I loose my patience easily. It was almost a month, I kept thinking to go on my own way. I want to be free from jealousy, too much protection and those fights that I can no longer resist. I kept on crying every night. One day, when I woke up, I asked myself. "Why are you crying for this things? It is not yet over. You can still do something to save your relationship with him." I taught I was right. But that day also, I lost my patience and suddenly, I decided to give him up. I'm so idiot for doing that. Giving up the man in your heart is not easy.

♥♥♥That's My Dad!♥♥♥

My father could be a good example to others. He is full of patience in his work. He always calls us during night and tells us that it is very hard to work there and being not with us. One time, during his vacation, one of his friends came to our house and late at night. He is asking for help because he is badly in need of money. My father didn't think twice and gave him the money. He is very helpful. He doesn't like doing nothing. He likes to work. Thus, he is very industrious. If he has nothing to do, he would always asks us to go outside and have fun. My father always reminds me to be a good daughter. He always tells me to study hard. He really wants me to finish my studies. He always reminds me that he loves me so much and I should remember that.

♥LoVe of a FriEnD - KaRma♥

I really got stressed within this week. There were too many arguments and misunderstanding which bothers me a lot. All of those were because of me. It was my fault why there is a conflict between my best friend and his friends. They were blaming each other. I've tried to explain but it just made the situation worst. It really feels bad whenever I would see my best friend very sad because of that. Why should he suffer from things that I did??? It was all because of me. His friends were all angry to him, even almost the whole class. I feel pity for him. Let's admit it, yes he did something wrong, but his over it. I was the one who told the class about it. I was the one who gave the 3 names. He didn't mention anyone form the group, I did.

Another thing that bothers me a lot, is my friends. Sometimes, I feel that they were hiding something form me. They were thinking if they will tell it to me, I'll got hurt and got angry. My point is, if there is something wrong about me, or about something else that involves me tell it to me.

I'm looking forward for the good of the section. It seems every step I do, every move that I do, it will just make the situation worst. I really don't know what is the right thing to do. If I would just be quiet, the whole thing would be blame to my best bud. It would just hurt me and make me so much guilty. His friends should know that I am the one who is behind this. ~.~

♥Family History♥

I really find it hard to trace my family background. The only person whom I can talk about this matter is my mother who also doesn’t know much about it. She don’t know even one of her aunts and uncles, grandparents and other relatives in her mother side. She just know that her mother, my Lola Belen ( Belen Javier) is from Bicol. She don’t know how did her mother arrived in Naic, Cavite. Lola Belen was a domestic helper in Hong Kong before. She died last 2002 because of stroke. My mother lived in San Roque in her childhood days. This is where her father, my Lolo Lorenzo(Lorenzo Catubig) lived since then. He is now a tricycle driver. His father Modesto Catubig(former driver), died also in year 2002 while her mother, Pelissa Catubig is still living. She is now very weak and can't recognize us anymore.

In my father's side, I only got my grandparents. My mother don't know also about my grandparents' grandparents. When I was in Gr. 3 my Lolo Domeng (Domingo Abella) died. He was a former driver while my Grandmother, Lolo Gayang (Ligaya Abella) is still living. She has a mini sari-sari store. Being the eldest, Papa Ostoy (Agosto Abella) is now a manager of his own business. His daughters have their own family while his two sons are studying in other country. The second son of my grandparents is my Tito Erneng (Ernesto Abella) . One year after my Tito Sileng(Marcelino Abella) was lost, he followed. It's been 3 years from now when the were gone. It is really hard for us, specially for my cousins. My father (Apholonio Avilla) was the fourth son. My mother said that when my father enter his college life, he uses Avilla instead of Abella as his surname. After four consecutive sons, my grandmother gave life to my Tita Evelyn (Evelinda Abella). She stays home and took care of her children. The youngest is my Tita Neng-Neng (Purificacion Abella). She is working in EPZA. She still don't have partner in life. She spends her money in helping my other cousins in studying.

Both sides of my parents are 100% Filipino. Most of them were drivers. Our family has a lot of sad stories.

♥♥♥WiSh vS hOpE♥♥♥

Every now and then

I find it so unfair.
Seeing you with that girl
Makes me go crazy.

I know that you're mine.
But how I wish
I would be the girl
♥Whom you go home with♥
♥wHom you can CouNt on♥
♥whom you share your problems♥
♥who makes you feel better♥
♥whom you trust so much♥
♥whom you cry on♥


... I hope ...
that sOmeday you will see
the reason behind
♥why "teRRenCe" acts like this♥